by Danny Bush
Men have been fighting for equal rights now for a long time–boy, are we exasperated! I, like other white males, am tired of feminists trying to oust us from our number one place in society. The good thing is that we’re not alone in our suffering.*
I’ve joined a movement. I’m a proud “meninist,” and I’m not alone! There has been an uprising of the Twitter hashtag “meninist” (or “menimist”) that will most definitely get the respect and admiration of feminists around the globe. I can see people taking us seriously already.
Personally, I’m tired of movies like “Magic Mike” creating a ridiculously high expectation of how men are supposed to look. Confidently, I wear what has been derogatorily referred to as a “beer belly.” If you think something is wrong with that, then you’re either a feminist or every doctor I’ve ever seen (they’re probably feminists too).
Men, if you’d like to join my movement, you must first ask yourselves the following rhetorical questions:
“Why can’t men under six feet get a chance?”
“Why do I have to pay for dinner”
“Why can only women get pregnant?”
If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, get online and buy a t-shirt with the hashtag “meninist” logo. They have sold approximately 10 shirts so far. We are well on our way!
Oh, these gender roles are so trivial! Women go around demanding to wear pants in the workplace, be treated equally, and other silly things like receive the same pay for doing the same job as a man. But, no matter how much I ask, I still can’t get pregnant.
Allow me to supply personal anecdote:
Once, I was in a health class when one day our teacher asked us to list a couple of things we wanted in a girlfriend or boyfriend. Many women, including my teacher, demanded that their significant other have a “cute butt.” I said, in an effort to be humorous, that I would like mine to have “arms and legs.”
My teacher raised an eyebrow in judgement. She said, “Danny, you wouldn’t date a girl that didn’t have arms and legs?” The rest of the girls in class scowled at me in fury. They thought I was being sexist!
Several people (at least four or five) agree with me.** They understand that the ways in which feminists try to obtain equality are hypocritical. Thus, satire is the only way we can respond. Hopefully, by showing women that we are often on the butt-end of prejudice they will stop successfully campaigning for equal rights. I mean, this has been going on for a whole century now, even though we gave them the right to vote 95 years ago.
I don’t know, maybe feminists have a point. Maybe they just want to receive the same rights that we, as white males, don’t have to lift a finger to get. Maybe they’re just trying to make the world a better and more understanding place. But I, for one, am not going to budge until somebody values my curves!
*The views of this author do not reflect the views of The Voice, or anyone, for that matter.
**The author could not actually find anyone who would agree to be in the article.