Fifty shades duller… if even possible

by Jessica Snyder

I loathe all things “Fifty Shades of Grey.” I can say this with conviction as I have read all three books and I have seen both movies. I will watch any more that come out as well, simply because it gives me great writing material.
The books are old news by now, but let’s chat about those for just one second. The writing is just plain atrocious and if I had to read how Anastacia Steel “flushed” one more time, I may have lost my mind.
You can also see the parallels between these books and the Twilight books, so it is no huge surprise this started as fan fiction. The lack of writing skills as well as the lack of any real depth into the reasons these characters fall so madly in love with one another is clear in both series.
It is also worth mentioning why these plain Jane type girls are so appealing to rich, powerful men as it is quite concerning to me.
The need for these men to control and protect what is “theirs” feels very misogynistic. I think the whole thing is even more annoying because we are selling these misguided fantasies to women.
Okay, so on to the newest installment of this movie, “Fifty Shades Darker.” What a boring, disaster of a movie that was.
If you recall at the end of the first movie, Ana leaves Christian because he got off on spanking her with a belt six times after she asks him to show her how bad it can get. The next movie starts with Ana on her own.
That changes when Christian shows up like a creeper at her friend’s art exhibit and buys all the pictures of her because he doesn’t want anyone else “gawking” at her.
Take that in for a second. Your ex shows up at a party, uninvited, and says no other man should be looking at you.
My normal reaction to that would be to seek a restraining order immediately. What does the meek Ana do in this situation? Why, she agrees to have lunch with him.
Somehow, that lunch leads to them dating again. This then persuades Ana to believe she is in a fairytale romance and she suddenly is asking for the things she didn’t like in the first movie.
It is like one day she wakes up and wants to be spanked. The red room of pain is now a place she asks to visit instead of him taking her there.
Then, there is a scene with a helicopter accident that is almost too ridiculous to mention, an engagement and an audience of logical people asking if we are really supposed to believe that love conquers all and this weird relationship really has a chance at happily ever after (NO!)
Through all of this mess of a plot, there is a ton of awkward sex that has no buildup and will do nothing to satisfy any inner sexual desire women may be hoping to experience when watching this film. While I will always support literature and films that empower women and their sexuality, I am still not buying the fact that fifty shades is the springboard for that.

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